On Post-Concussion Syndrome

image

This is my brain on January 2nd. According to the doctor, it showed a normal scan. I, however, was showing symptoms of a concussion. Nausea, fatigue, dizziness, headache, difficulty concentrating, mood swings, etc. I’d been through the rigamarole twice beforehand, so I knew what to do. Have someone watch me that first night, get plenty of rest, stay off the computer for a while and avoid the TV. And I did that.

For eighteen days. Continue reading

Inspiration

I recently gave myself a concussion. The details aren’t really important, but the headache has lasted a little over three weeks now. In seeing the neurologist, I was diagnosed with post-concussion syndrome and given a prescription for some medication. It’s hard to concentrate and watching television is taxing, so I’ve been listening to audiobooks and poetry to keep occupied. I came across this poem (which has since become a favorite of mine) in an iPhone app called “The Love Book.” It’s called “Desiderata” by Max Ehrmann, and it’s read by the lovely Tom Hiddleston.

I found it to be inspiring and uplifting.

Stigma

Screen shot 2013-11-26 at 2.07.08 PM

To start, let it be known that I have depression. Technically, it’s “Major Depressive Disorder,” but, whatever.

Here’s the thing about depression: It’s not “being sad.” Depression describes the sensation of utter apathy toward everything. Eating, drinking, watching your favorite television show, writing, drawing, being awake—everything. When I’m in a depressive episode, I just want to sleep and ignore the world. If I miss my medication, not only does it make me feel like my skin is about to crawl off of my body, but I feel like nothing. I feel like, not only do I not matter, but nothing around me matters. I simply exist, and I loathe myself for taking up any amount of space.

Continue reading

I think I have a problem.

He’s twelve inches tall and cost me a big chunk of my paycheck.

DSCN8887

What’s worse? I bought him a suit. And since you can’t take off the armor, I bought him another body. Then I was like: why even screw around with removing his head? and I bought him a second head. So, essentially, I bought two Loki dolls. Right now, I’m waiting on an auction to end for his shoes. And I’ve been thinking about getting him the little scarf, too. Since I got a full-sized one for myself.

*hangs head*

You know what, though? This is probably the coolest thing I’ve ever owned. And earned the money I used to pay for it.

On a related note, after watching Thor: The Dark World, I’m convinced that they need to make a movie all about Loki.

Loki'd!

Requited

I lie here in the darkness now
Head full of pain
And I think of times in the past
And when I’ll see you again

I know you may not love me
As I do you
But as I lie here in the darkness now
I feel any love will do

NaNoWriMo 2013

So, I’ve fallen behind. Quite a lot, actually. I had everything planned out; plot, rising and falling action, character biographies, locations, all that research, and so much more. I had a mental picture of the main character and the minor characters. I had plans.

And so far? I’ve only written about 1,500 words.

That’s so much further behind than I wanted to be by the middle of November.

I have my excuses. I’m busy with work. I’m tapped out creatively. I’m not motivated.

But really? I don’t want to be constrained to just one month of work on this story. I’ve already put so much into the research portion of writing that I feel like only a month of writing won’t do it justice. So I will keep writing it. I’ll just keep writing it at my own pace. There’s no hurry, really. In fact, if I do hurry it along, I feel like I’ll lose the feel I’d been going for with it.

I know I have a lot of unfinished writing projects strewn about the four corners of the Internet. Those, however, don’t hold the same meaning to me as this novel. Sure, they’re important to me—I’m not giving up on them—but they’re not all mine. They’re fanfiction. This? This is my own creation. I want to do it justice.

And I don’t think that this mad dash to write 50,000 words will do it justice.

That’s my excuse.

Heart Burn

TITLE: Heart Burn
AUTHOR: Quicksilvermad
SUMMARY: (Movie-verse) Tony’s thoughts as he lies on the rooftop of Stark Industries. ONESHOT
GENRE: Hurt Comfort/Romance
RATING: T
DISCLAIMER: Iron Man etc. belong to Marvel Comics et. al.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: Another one of my more in-depth views into the psyche of Tony Stark.

With each removed bit of titanium—each shaky reassuring whisper that left Pepper’s lips—the light slowly strengthened in the old arc reactor.

Theme #004: Black

TITLE: Black
AUTHOR: Quicksilvermad
SUMMARY: Theme #004 BLACK: Movie-verse. Tony has a monster bruise that Pepper finds out about by accident.
GENRE: Humor/Hurt/Comfort
RATING: PG13
PAIRING: Tony/Pepper
DISCLAIMER: Iron Man etc. belong to Marvel Comics et. al.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: For the 100 Themes Challenge over on pepperony100

Was it like, a surprise tank that popped out of a cave and jumped on top of you?

Heart Bursting

TITLE: Heart Bursting
AUTHOR: Quicksilvermad
SUMMARY: (Movie-verse) Tony’s thoughts during his rescue from the desert. ONESHOT
GENRE: General
RATING: T
DISCLAIMER: Iron Man etc. belong to Marvel Comics et. al.
AUTHOR’S NOTE: Another one of my more in-depth views into the psyche of Tony Stark—known from here on out as the “Heart” series.

Tony was utterly depleted of energy.