Category Archives: Essays

The Depiction of Suicidal Ideation in 13 Reasons Why

I quit watching 13 Reasons Why at the end of the third episode.

I know, that makes my little post here a bit more invalid than the many others floating around online, but hear me out. Having read summaries for the later episodes that I didn’t watch, I know that Hannah is put through a traumatic experience far beyond being subjected to asshole teenagers being assholes. So my opinion may be rendered incorrect—feel free to do so in the comments. Continue reading

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Words Do Hurt

My original post on xoJane

Like many people, I was bullied as a child. It was something I grew used to from my peers. I was a little too weird for my own good. My fixation on horses often got me compared to them in unflattering terms. “Look at her,” one boy would say as I drank from the water fountain, “she even looks like a horse when she drinks!”

But it was never the other kids that were the worst bullies. It was a teacher. Continue reading

Apathetic Way To Be

The things that I take on
I soon shrug off
’cause I know no one
Will ever be content
With the way things are
Or with what they’ve got
So I’ve given up and now I’m just indifferent

-Relient K

So, I’ve reached that point.

I have a sketch that I started on the day before Christmas Eve. Today, I stared at my closed sketchbook for five minutes going over the merits of actually making myself pick it up and finish it. And I couldn’t bring myself to care at all about it. Instead, I left it on my shelf and went back to reading fanfic and not feeling much of anything.

Am I sad?

No.

I just don’t care. Continue reading

Setbacks

So, I started seeing a therapist.

It’s helping a little, but there is still quite a large part of me that looks long and hard at my life—at where I am at my age (28) and thinks of what a complete failure I am as an adult. I can’t help it. Yes, there are people who love me. Yes, I am receiving support that a majority of unemployed people my age aren’t getting. My parents are supporting me. I should consider myself lucky. I should feel a measure of happiness. Continue reading